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A Penny For My Thoughts?

It’s been a while since I blogged my thoughts or feelings and I know nobody reads these things but I feel better after sharing..

Today I had the pleasure of (finally) watching two shows I have really been looking forward to: The Fosters and Twisted, both of which are on ABC Family. They’re great btw, you should really watch them.

Twisted has a (dare I say, ‘twisted’ plot lol) veryyy interesting plot and the main character is Beck (is that how you spell his name?) from Victorious and I think he’s SUPER hot so of course I watched it :)

HOWEVER, what I really want to talk about is The Fosters. From the very beginning, when I heard about it, I was already intrigued. Having had an extremely complicated childhood, I sympathized with the idea but also loved the fact that the two parents are a lesbian couple. 

I know the show and I would connect but I didn’t think it would hit so close to home until I actually watched it. 

Things have been strange lately. I haven’t talked to my biological mom in years. And yeah that’s normal but a week or two ago, I got a few hundred dollars sent to me from my mom and her side of the family. Yeah, I appreciate it but my grandma and her have always tried to buy and blind me with money. My mom (stepmom) persuaded me to at least call my grandma and thank her and ask her to thank my uncle and mom.. I haven’t talked to my grandma in YEARS and we talked for a total of maybe two minutes. And the entire phone call was her telling me how surprised she was I called, her trying to persuade me to contact my mom and then her telling me there is more money coming in July. 

What the fuck. What the actual fuck. I’m sick of them. I’m sick of all of them and I’m not trying to make this about myself but why? Why? You’re not in my life at all. I’m done with you. Done with the money, the drinking, the drugs, the abuse, the bribing, the bullshit. I want nothing to do with any of them and I have no intention of calling my mom. 

The thing is, I never think or talk about my mom or her side of the family ever but watching The Fosters brought back a bunch of memories. Not good ones, but I suppose the ultimate message of the show made me feel better: it’s not where you come from, it’s where you belong..

There are adopted twins. Mariana and Jesus. They’re Spanish which I can relate to. They don’t talk to there mom but Mariana [SPOILER ALERT] sells her brother Jesus’ ADD pills for money to give to her birth mom that she’s never met. Yes, I knew my mom but I did shit like this for her growing up like stealing things just to help her live and pick-pocket (yes, I know it’s bad) but she was my mom and it was my duty.. I understood Mariana. I sympathize with her unfortunately. I hate my mom now but I remember that feeling of hope. Desperation. Wanting to be wanted. It’s stupid, really. But I love how in the show, her birth mom, Ana, basically treated her daughter like an ATM machine. She had never seen her before and yet when she met Mariana, they talked for maybe a minute and a half before she disappeared with the money.

I like the realism in that. Her mom was a good for nothing. Like mine. And I like that Jesus realized that. (I also think Jake T. Austin is super hot btw: sidenote)

Then there was Callie and Jude. Loved it. Really spoke to me and how I always protected Kiefer from my crazy mom and her druggie bf growing up. Sometimes I feel like Kiefer would have died without me to watch after him so seeing just how much love Callie had for Jude practically brought me to tears in the pilot episode. It was beautiful.

I hate talking about my personal life because I hate peoples’ pity. But I realized as I was talking to my sister, I told her, “You know, I’ve always wished there were more of us. More siblings. I like big families. My future spouse is going to hate me because I’m going to want so many, I just want to rescue them and give them a home..” And I realized it was because I understand, you know? I know how they feel. I lived through it. I know what feeling like you have no home to go to feels like. I know homeless. I know desperation. I know outcast and I’m SO glad this show finally made me realize that although I am by no means a super patient kid adoring person, I actually do want to help.. I didn’t think I had that in me. You know? 

My uncle Jorge (my mom’s brother) was once married to this saint who’s name, I believe, was Raquel. She and Jorge have two actual kids (Andy and Emily, my two cousins I don’t know very well anymore) but they ALWAYS had a BUNCH of foster kids in their home. I loved it. Loved coming over. Meeting the new kids. Becoming their friends. Having new people in the family. New faces. It always made me so happy to see them so happy. The look on a kid’s face that changes from looking like they had given up like they were hopeless to feeling at home for maybe the first time in their lives is just the more beautiful thing I think. There’s nothing more important than family but I would have never believed this a few years ago.. It’s crazy. If it wasn’t for my stepmom and my Peruvian family and all the love and support I’ve been given,I would have been just like those kids. Who knows what would have become of me. I am so grateful for my parents and everything they’ve given me. A new chance at everything; new life, new family. 

I loved the awkward Lena-Steph-Mike parenting positions too. I know how weird and uncomfortable that is for divorced parents.

I don’t know I just really love the show. I feel so connected to it and I know there are kids out there that probably feel the same way..

Just.. Thank you. Thank you so much, ABC Family. For reaching out to kids.

Raquel used to always say “everybody has a story..” and I think that’s so important. So necessary and that’s exactly what foster parents and adoptive parents must think. I have incredible admiration for stepparents, stepaunts, stepuncles, stepgrandparents, stepcousins, stepsiblings, stepeverything, adoptive parents, adoptive family, foster parents etc. who truly love the new children in their lives and cherish them and want nothing for than to give them the best and make them their own. 

Bravo. 

i just got called a fagtron and a few weeks ago i got called a lesbot

excuse me

when did homosexuals become advanced technological subhumans?

If the University of Florida doesn’t have a Gay Straight Alliance called The Gaytors then that’s just a perfect opportunity completely wasted

Inbox me your snapchats?

I snapchat the same 3 people 24/7

Need new friends

I literally know the CUTEST couples

And I’m so incredibly single


This is this year’s NPR Snap Judgement first prize winner and he definitely deserved it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a speech done quite like this. I was so incredibly moving and beautifully written.